Editing: Run-Ons | | Crafting: Compound Sentences

Independent clause (IND)

• Complete thought
• A complete sentence
• All three syntactical slots that we talked about last week are filled:  

• subject | verb | object. 
• Marked on essays with shorthand:   S  | V | O.

• Example:  ...

What are Run-ons?

1. Comma Splices 
• Marked on essays as CS
• Combine two sentences with only a comma=error.
2. Run-ons
• Fused Sentences
• Marked on essays as RO
• To combine two sentences without end punctuation=error

• To fix, you need to use one of the five methods below either to make the two (or more) sentences coordinate with each other, or to make one be subordinate to the more important idea

• Each method includes at least a punctuation mark that indicates an end to a complete thought:

1. period  (  .   ) or exclamation point or question mark   ( ! or ? )
2. or semi-colon (   ;   )
3. or use the  comma and a conjunction rule (  , + FANBOYS)

• Which method depends on how you want the multiple sentences to coordinate or subordinate. In other words, each method shows a different relationship between the two sentences!  Let's look at the five methods to see what I mean...

Before Fixing, Identify Run-ons

• Mark each of your current end punctuations (period, ?, !) in your draft with a bar:  |  

• Next, read for the mind pause: mark a soft bar where your brain understands a complete thought/idea.

• Also, read out loud for the breath pause: mark a soft bar where you hear an idea sound finished, rhythmically.

The above methods are not enough, so you will have to:

• Diagram these sentences further for their syntactical slot: 

• Underline the subject  (even if it is modified)
• Circle the verb (even if conjugated out of simple tense)
• Put parentheses, ( ), around the object (including all modifiers).

• If the original thought ends earlier than your original end punctuation, and your sentence starts to grammatically start over with a new or repeated subject...

• Mark the end of that thought with a new bar  (  IND. | IND  IND. | ). 

• Then, diagram what comes after the new bar, as well, to make sure it is an IND. 

• You may want to mark the clauses as IND or DEP  above the sentences, too. 

Last Thoughts About Identifying

• You have a run-on if you have more than one IND within your original sentence and have no or incorrect punctuation.

• If you have many DEP clauses within these sentences, your job of finding the end of one IND and the start of a new IND will be harder, but more manageable with diagramming practice.

• If your sentence structures include questions or commands, then you have to be flexible with how you diagram the sentence. 

• Questions begin with:    ______
• Commands begin with:  ______  

Five Methods For Fixing Run-ons 

• Make Separate Sentences: An easy fix, find where the two sentences are fused or spliced and place period (or ? or !) between the two clauses. Capitalize the subject of the second sentence.

• Example comma splice: Why should we spend money on expensive space exploration, we have enough underfunded programs here on Earth.   

• Fix: Why should we spend money on expensive space exploration? We have enough underfunded programs here on Earth.   

• Use a comma and a coordinating conjunction: Another easy fix, find where the second sentence starts and add the comma with the right FANBOYS conjunction.  [Of course, if you have a comma splice, you just need to add the right conjunction after the comma.]

• Example comma splice: Some lesson plans include exercises, completing them should not be the focus of all class periods.

• Fix: Some lesson plans include exercises, but completing them should not be the focus of all class periods.

• Use a semi-colon to connect two complete thoughts: Also very easy, the function/purpose of a semi-colon is to join two independent clauses/complete sentences. 

• Example fused sentence: Tragedy depicts the individual confronted with the fact of death comedy depicts the adaptability of human society.

• Fix: Tragedy depicts the individual confronted with the fact of death; comedy depicts the adaptability of human society.

• Use a semi-colon, followed by a conjunctive adverb (a type of transitional word or phrase): More difficult to pull off, though really good to emphasize a relationship between two sentences that are being combined. 

• conjunctive adverb: conjunctive is like conjunction--it means to join, just like a highway junction is the connection of two different routes!

• They are words that imply further action, or a furthering of the idea, such as "thereafter" and "moreover" and "however"

• Example fused sentence:  We ran the race hard we ran to win.

• Fix:   We ran the race hard; moreover, we ran to win. 

• Turn one of the sentences into the subordinate to the other: The most difficult grammatically for one still getting the hang of sentence structure, but can be worth it for sake of showing a clearer relationship between two ideas.

• One of the independent clauses is turned into a dependent clause by adding a subordinating conjunction to the beginning of the original clause. 

• Example: We went out to a fancy restaurant for dinner; we were disappointed.  (How boring is this grammatically correct sentence!?!) 

• Fix: Subordinate one to the other: Although we went out to a fancy restaurant for dinner, we were disappointed. (Edits make this one sentence where one idea takes importance because of the subordinate conjunction.)

Scholarly Conclusion Writing

1. Take 30 minutes: Read the lecture notes below for Thursday, and take your notes on the points made. Click on the link to the U of Iowa Writing Center, too.

2. Take Another 30 minutes:  Note down 2-3 of the suggestions below and write down possible ways you could use those bullet point suggestions to help you. Brainstorm the end of essay--what are some possibilities?

• I will open my class by asking you about how you are thinking of applying these ideas to your own essay. The success (your understanding and application, and the class time together on Thursday) only comes from your willingness to participate.  

3. Feel free to draft your conclusion draft and have it ready to show or upload, but it will not be due to myLearning before class on Thursday, as originally scheduled. However, the more you have done, the more Professor A. can guide you in your own process with this essay.

-----------------

Expanding What A Conclusion Can Be

The last paragraph (or sometimes paragraphs, when writing much longer essays) should reflect upon the thesis statement and its subtopics that you have addressed in your essay. 

However, there are other ways to view your conclusions, and viewing a conclusion in these different ways will help guide you in what else you can say beyond being repetitive. 

Another way of looking at just conclusions and the above general conclusion definition, according to the University of Iowa's Writing Center:

 "The conclusion is a good place to not only sum up the points made in the paper but to suggest the further implications of your argument.  You do not want to simply reiterate the points you have made in your introduction, thesis, or body paragraphs.  

Instead, use the analyses that you have already presented to ask questions, or suggest the possible next logical step in the argument.  You can use the conclusion to draw connections between your chosen text and its genre and historical or cultural contexts.  

You want to make sure that the claims you make in the conclusion are not too far-fetched or wildly out of step with the rest of your paper.  The conclusion should be the final step in the progression of your argument."

You likely will not address each question below each time, but here are some general ideas you may explore in your conclusion rather than simply "restating the thesis." (As a writer, you may find some of these thoughtful actions are useful for other parts of your essay...):

• What is important to the general audience/larger world about what you have argued/analyzed/defined. etc.? What knowledge do you provide us, and why is that important? 

• What is the impact of this knowledge I provide ? Who is affected, how? 

• Where does my idea fit in the larger discussion of the subject addressed in the essay? 

• Quickly state comparison or contrast with socially common views, stereotypes, and/or subjects.

• What recommendations can I make, and why, based on my thesis and other points made in the essay? Or, what recs do I have based on the source author's ideas?

• What is another major point or two about the subject that I did not have 'time' to include in this essay? 

• Pose questions that you haven't addressed that are relevant to what you have already written. 

• Pose questions that further help reader understand the subject's context.

• Suggest next possible step in the author's argument.

• Suggest different types of evidence that were not used in author's argument.

• In third person, briefly provide your own thoughts on any examples used from your source author that matter to you. 

• Example: Tamir Rice...

• Have you read other articles, books, etc., on the subject? Draw connections between your essay subject text and well-known texts in the genre or same time period or cultural perspective. 

Unified Body Paragraph (PRE): also in myLearning, Unit 1

http://home.europa.com/~bence/pre/

The above picture is Steve Prefontaine, a world-class runner who died too young. His nickname is Pre. Look at how focused his eyes are in this picture and remember those eyes when you remember our focusing technique, PRE.

http://www.justrunners.com/Steve%20Prefontaine%20Poster.htm

http://en.nkfu.com/steve-prefontaine-quotes/

PRE teaches us that to be the best one must put their best effort into all that they do. PRE can also teach us, again, how to write a unified body paragraph. 

Point: start each paragraph off with a sentence (we call it that Topic Sentence) that states who/what the paragraph is about--your subject--and what you have to say about that subject in that paragraph.

Reason: follow up your Topic Sentence with some logical reasons for why you believe your point is true.

Example/Explanation: follow up your reasons with specific examples that support your point and reasons. You can also add a second E to Example, and that would be Explain! Make sure that when you illustrate your example that you also make sure to explain how it connects back to your Topic Sentence.

Creating Body Paragraph Points From Reading and Analyzing:
Read: "In the Beginning."
A student was inspired by this reading to write an essay on "Improving Myself With Pre's Help." Notice how the student: 1) created topic sentence argument claims based on their interpretation of the text, and 2) supported their understanding of the text by using practical reasons, examples, and explanations. 
The student wrote PRE-structured body paragraphs that incorporate some example facts from the article and the quotes above. These body paragraphs make basic summary points about "how Prefontaine learned to be successful, according to the article." (We will discuss the different structure of Introductions and Conclusions over the coming semesters.)

Example Unified Body Paragraphs:

       Steve Prefontaine, who held many American records in distance running, is a great example of how much effort plays a role in having success in life--even during high school years. Prefontaine started off as one of the weaker runners on his high school team before setting goals to become a national record holder by his senior year.  In the article "In the Beginning," Michael Musca discusses how Prefontaine could not break five minutes in the mile his freshman year of high school, and as a sophomore failed to qualify for state. However, by his junior year in 1968, he went undefeated and won the Oregon state cross country meet in. Musca writes that "From this point forward, the winter of 1968, young Pre embarked on McClure’s 30-week program, which he hoped would yield the time goals and a state championship in the two-mile" (Musca). Prefontaine would run four to eight miles a day while working multiple jobs. His setting goals and following them is what lead to his success during those years.

       Those high school years are a small example of showing how setting goals matters; Prefontaine also had the work ethic and mindset to accomplish his goals. Steve Prefontaine is widely known as the ultimate competitor. He fulfilled his goals by training extremely hard and by maintaining an aggressive mindset that he would maintain for the rest of his life. There is no better evidence than Pre's own words: "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift" (Just Runners). These are the words of a competitor, someone who does not settle for finishing a task. Another quote of Prefontaine is "I'm going to work so that it's a pure guts race at the end, and if it is, then I am the only one who can win it" (NKFU). He confidently believes that nobody can beat him if he works as hard as he can.

        Prefontaine's successes came from also following a clear plan of actions to take to accomplish his goals. Pre's high school coach, Walt McClure, helped lay out a training program so that Prefontaine could set the records and live up to his goals. McClure set Pre up on a 30-week training regiment in the winter of 1968 that helped Pre win state in the two-miler that Spring. Prefontaine continued to run at least four miles a day during that following summer, even as he worked multiple jobs to help his struggling family (Musca). Prefontaine won the two miler his senior year in a national record of 8:41.5 (Musca), which shows how much one can improve in something if they are really dedicated to their own success. 

       Prefontaine was never known as a fast runner, but his effort on those days off helped propel him towards national success at an early age.  ...

Some Revision Fun: a review of writing ideas

(http://www.baconsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/ric-flair-woo.jpg)


Keep It Simple, Silly

• Why is it important to come back to the thesis and topic sentences? 

• Easy: your essay is nothing without clear points. Even on your trillionth draft, make sure each paragraph makes a clear point, and that your essay goes paragraph to paragraph in the most engaging way possible. 

• Second easy: placement. The thesis ends the introduction paragraph. The topic sentences start the body paragraphs. Their placement in the paragraph puts emphasis on them. Like the moment you meet someone for the first time, or the last time you hear from them--these moments are memorable. 

• What should I do to revise the sentences? Where do I look for help?

• Purpose of essay
• Content
• Theme
• Definition as an organization pattern  
• Accuracy/precision  | denotes/connotes
• Individuality--

• Try to stand out (in the best way)

• Try some figures of speech, try some interesting examples, try to make some creative choices in your language in a draft. How you write it is just as important as what you write. 

1. Look for phrases that can be replaced with few words, even just one word

2. Look for places to add some descriptive modifiers (adjectives, adverbs)

3. Look for places to add dependent clauses that further define your subject or object...or both

4. Look for places to use a figure of speech that fits the essay's theme (oh, yeah, and try to look at your language like its a movie with themes)

Basic Formula for An Essay Introduction Paragraph

General Essay Introduction Structure: 

1. Hook: opening sentence(s) of essay that sets up your topic==>something thematically connected 

2. Put the hook in context for thesis subject matter: transition from topic to specific subject matter

• Provides bridge of needed background information on thesis subject(s)

• Name  subject matter and other basic qualities of them relevant to essay

• Contextualize the subject matter based on essay prompt's purpose & your own essay theme of ideas

• use synonymous language from prompt 

3. If you don't use the context to lay out subtopics, then explicitly lay out the body paragraph ideas of essay in a succinct way 

• The most effective writing can combine #2's behaviors with #3
• Rather than thinking you need to fully state all of your ideas in full sentences, try to make a 1-2 sentence outline of subtopics. How?  Key words.

4. Finish off with the thesis statement.  

• Your thesis is another place where some of you like to include the subtopics within them. If so, okay. 

• Remember: the key is to know that when you write the subtopics into the thesis itself, it iss a rhetorical strategy, an option, and not as a "requirement."

\            Hook          /  

   \      Context       /    

     \   Subtopics   /      

       |   Thesis     |   

                 __________ Start Body Paragraphs 

     /     Point 1     \ 

   /      Reasoning     \   

/        Example          \

The Hook

General Hooks 

 The purpose of a hook is to draw your reader in to what you have to say. You don't want the hook to sound too broad and anonymous. You want to one of the general hooks below in a creative, but thesis-connected way: 

1. Relevant quote

• From the subject of your essay, such as
• from one of your sources!, or 
• from an expert on the subject matter
• from a discipline/field of study that helps you frame ideas in essay,
• or.... 

2. Personal anecdote with relevance to thesis

• Perhaps, you can use one you can come back to? One that relates to the subject matter--even the event

3. Provocative and relevant question

• A question that challenges ethics or morals
• A question that challenges legality
• A question that challenges cultural value 
• A question that challenges a cultural trend
• A question that challenges...  

4. Specific Example that fit your subject (perhaps one you will actually bring back and expand on later in your body)

• Perhaps a fact (#5) about the subject. What happened at the shooting, or in the poem you are analyzing? 
• An example of something else "gone viral."

5. Relevant fact: particularly one that sets the tone and allows you to explore the fact specifically as it relates to your thesis.

• Data -- a case study, or demographic study 
  
• Laws or Theories from a social science (sociology, psychology, anthropology)
• Relatable events in history (kairos) and their outcomes
• .... 

Drafting an Introduction

1. Have your thesis and subtopics at least drafted and outlined; these ideas are your map directions!

2. Decide which type of hook most interests you. Do some brainstorming that helps you (including, looking on the Internet for a relevant quote or fact to help you out)

3. Once you have the type of hook you want and have some content to work with, start drafting your introduction paragraph (

• Aim for around 6-8 solid sentences, or 1/3 of first page for 450 word essays

Once I find my hook, I can draft my introduction

• When using a quote or a fact, it is good to start your hook off with a phrase that introduces where that quote/fact is coming from:

• ________ once said (argued, asked, ...),  "..."

• According to ________, ...

• Or...try out your own introductory phrase that gives context to the quote/hook!

Classification Strategies

Four Basics of Good (Effective) Classification (108)

1. Makes sense of a group of people/things by making categories
2. Has a purpose for categorizing
3. Uses a single o________  p_________.
4. Gives ....



 Brainstorm categories/classes for a word's usage

• Look at you word, your thesis, and the list of action verbs on the Crafting Thesis Statements handout

• If a noun, especially, what verbs would you associate with your word? 

• How does place change the meaning? 
• When are different times this word is useful?
• What types of people use this word, for what purpose?

Generate Subtopics

Thesis subtopics do the following:

• Develop the thesis 
• Show up in introduction 
• Each subtopic is reproduced as a topic sentence of a body paragraph

To generate starter subtopics, use same pre-writing strategies:

• First, brainstorm a list or a cluster/web of parts of your largest definition.

• Then, narrow down to the 2-3 most important ideas you find should be addressed in order for outsiders to understand your thesis idea. 

• Because your first essay thesis is a definition,  view your subtopics as smaller parts of that largest definition. 
• Also, it helps that your 2-3 subtopics are closely related to each other in language. 

• Like a dictionary definition, try to "mix and match" your subtopics using different ways of defining. 
• However, it will also help if your 2-3 subtopics are closely related to each other in theme. 

Let's see how Anthony Bourdain could have done this if he were given our Essay 1 prompt:

Anthony Bourdain's thesis statement:

Food has always been a teacher in my life, showing me how to overcome faults like my sarcastic personality.

Listing things [food has taught me that help me overcome my sarcasm]...

1. Taught me to appreciate my parents and lifestyle
2. Taught me that strange doesn't mean bad
3. Taught me that pain is part of life
4. Taught me that being humble is important
5. Taught me that it takes effort/action to be a success
6. Cooking is not simple, even when it appears so.
7. ...

Subtopic Choices...made into body paragraph topic sentences:

1. The first lesson food taught me was to realize how privileged my life was growing up, with parents who saw food as more than just fuel.  
2. When I was around twenty, another way cooking educated me was...(finish it using the list!)

General Thesis Writing Strategies

Thesis Statement

The sentence that states the main point you are making for the entire essay. All points made in essay are meant to support this statement (sometimes posed as a question).


The Rhetorical Parts:

• Make sure you imagine your audience
• Make sure you provide the type of source
• Use a nice introductory clause to provide contextual detail
• Make sure your thesis language frames your piece's purpose.    
• Also, make sure your language frames the subject (author/text) of your piece's purpose.  

• ***In essence, your thesis should give your reading audience a sense of what kind of commentary your own writing is making on the original text's purpose

The Language Parts:

• subject (a noun or noun phrase (click link) that acts) + verb (how we act upon subject) + object (the idea, a noun or noun phrase, that receives the action)

• Use specific language over abstract/too general words, whenever possible.

• Avoid all-incusive language (everyone, no one, is, all, ...)

• Avoid using standalone pronouns (It, this, these, ...) as subject

• Use an analysis verb (click link) to indicate to your reader how dynamic you are looking at your subject. 

• The more action on the subject, the more you transform our view of it. The more you can pose questions about subject with that verb.

• Example: The myth is...  (NO!).   ...  The myth illustrates... (Yes, please)
  

• Be specific about what your body paragraphs discuss. Do not tease the reader with an unclear object!!! 

• ***One of the most ineffective thesis statements is the type that only suggests ideas but does not actually identify what ideas will be developed in the body paragraphs.

• Don't use general/broad phrases; specify.

Words, Words, Words

A Word Means In Two Basic Ways

1. Denotation: the dictionary meaning a word holds; its surface meaning.

2. Connotation: extra meaning a word carries, or “suggests”; the meaning may be cultural, thematically related to rest of poem’s content. Also, a word or phrase may depend on a reader understanding alternate meanings in dictionary, sound-relations to other words (insure/ensure), context of usage, & other credible connections of the words to the rest of the text.

• TONE 

• Writers use figures of speech to create connotations
• Metaphors
• Similes
• Allusions
• Hyperbole
• Idioms and regionalisms
• & many more

A Writer Must Understand the Difference Between Precision and Accuracy

1. Accuracy: the word choice has correct denotative meaning
2. Precision: the word choice has connotations that meet the action/situation, including tone.

• Examples of precision: The scalpel slices. The ax hacks.
• Examples of imprecision:  The scalpel hacks!

• If a word/phrase doesn’t seem to fit the situation in a published piece, reflect upon why the author may have used an imprecise word/phrase.

In short, creative writers (including essayists) seek out the best synonyms. They select the right verb or noun or clause based on its precision, not just its accuracy. Therefore, a writer at his or her desk will often ask themselves such things as: Why this word--this phrase? What does it change?

• What verb do I want to use? Said, screamed, whispered, mumbled?

• What noun do I want to use? Bird  or parrot? Blue bunting, red bunting, or Eastern bluebird?

• What adjectives; what adverbs?

• What may my new figure of speech do that a more literal phrase or older figure of speech will not? What tone does my image create?
• For example: the imagistic phrase "a cow is lodged in the throat"  is tonally different than the cliche, "He is choking on his own words." There is some weight, some sense of immensity added to the newer, first phrase.