Editing: Comma Usage

One of our goals with understanding the simple sentence and dependent clauses (DEP) and the role of the comma is to understand that they allow for a variety of syntax (sentence structure), which allows for your more complex ideas to be expressed in creative but coherent ways. 

Rather than getting mastered by grammar rules, try and master the fundamental rules of word structure that make our language.  (I mean, that is what many of you are already doing with texting language--creating a grammar.)


Independent Clause / the Simple Sentence (Review)

• Nouns: person, place, thing
• Verbs: show action

• Subject:  noun or pronoun that performs the action
• Object: noun or pronoun that receives the action

• Includes a subject (noun/pronoun) + verb
• Examples: I write. She coughs. They run. The lamp shines.
• 
  
• Often, though, we need to include the object (a noun, too) after the verb=
• Examples: I write poetry. They run laps.

Before we look at the graphic, let's see how modifiers can create skillfully complex sentences out of basic information:


1. The famous Russian novelist Vladimir Nabokov once said, "Style and Structure are the essence of a book; great ideas are hogwash.” 

• Simple sentence:  Vladimir Nabokov...said, "...."

• "The famous Russian novelist" = adjectival phrase with no commas! Why? (Look at #5's explanation on this link for some reasoning, too.)

2.  Since he is known for Lolita, a novel about a creepy old man obsessed with a little girl, a reader may be shocked to find that Nabokov thought structure was more important than the idea itself.

• Simple sentence:   A reader may be shocked to find that Nabokov thought structure was more important than the idea itself.

• "Since he is known for Lolita," = dependent clause that added context to subject

• ", a novel about a creepy old man obsessed with a little girl," = dependent clause that adds meaning to the noun that comes right before it, Lolita. 

• This entire phrase/clause is not necessary for a reader to understand the simple sentence, which is why commas are used to "put up a fence around it."  We can take out the entire clause and the sentence will still be grammatically clear:  

• Since he is known for Lolita, a reader may be shocked to find that Nabokov thought structure was more important than the idea itself.

The Role of the Comma 

• How do we look at dependent clauses and adjectives and adverbs?

• Modifiers of basic meaning/thought of the sentence

• Different types of context that add to the basic thought/sentence

• What is a comma for? Our two most general ways to look at it:

• Show where dependent clauses add "extra" information/context to the independent clause!

• Separate lists/clusters of adjectives or adverbs. Here is a great link on Buzzfeed that shows just how much a comma is needed for clear meaning when making a list!

• The only time a comma is used to attach two independent clauses (sentences): 

• use a comma, then a conjunction (for | and | nor | but | or | yet | so). This called a coordinating conjunction...

• , + conjunction

• Example:   We went to the store, but we did not buy anything.

• Or, we can sometimes use a comma with a short sentence that is attached to a longer sentence, where the one sentence is operating as a dependent clause/"extra voice"

• Examples:
•  We loved going to the chocolate factory, I can tell you that much. 

• My brother is like the fox, he is the ultimate trickster. (I would still use a semi-colon here just to be grammatically safe.)

Common Words that indicate dependent clauses:

Transition words: Also, indeed, either, neither, first, second, next, last, finally, although, however, for example, for instance, since, ...and more!

Prepositions: On, at, above, around, during, of, from, with, ... and more!

-ing verbs: Beginning, Running, Talking,   

• At the start of sentences, these verb forms may be the start of a DEP 

• Example:  Beginning with learning geometry, I started to struggle with math in high school.

• Or they may be part of a noun phrase made up of an action (clue is that there is no SV right next to each other, just a V):

• Example:  Beginning with learning geometry allows us to work our way up to calculus.

infinitives (to + verbs): To begin, To go, To add, To argue, ...

• Same as -ing verbs

Let's Go Through Concepts of the Comma As Writers In The Process:


1. I stepped in a pile of horse poop Jill.   (What is "horse poop Jill"? The comma needs to come after the word 'poop' because 'Jill' is a dependent clause; her name gives the reader context to who is being told the statement.)

...and now for a string of complex modification:


2. Since I was seventeen I have lived alone.  (Why no comma? Again, here is a great link for us to review.)

3. Since I was seventeen, I have lived alone and supported myself. (What changes? The simple sentence became more complex, so that dependent clause now modifies to acts.)


4. Since I was seventeen, Chris, I have lived alone.

5.  Since I was seventeen, Chris, I have lived alone in the woods.

6. Since I was seventeen, Chris, I have lived alone in the woods and supported myself.

7. Since I was seventeen, I have lived alone in the woods, afraid of the world, and supported myself.

8. Since I was seventeen, Chris, I have lived alone in the woods outside Baltimore and supported myself.

9. Since I as seventeen, I have lived alone in the woods outside Baltimore, Maryland, and supported myself.

10. Since I was seventeen, Chris, I have lived alone in the woods outside Baltimore, Maryland, and supported myself on twigs and berries. 

Edit: SV AGR

One of the bigger grammatical issues to edit out draft to draft is subject-verb agreement (S/V AGR), which means that the subject and its verb have to match in number (singular or plural) and person (first, second, third).

Identify, then Fix

1. Underline the subject

•  If the subject is a noun phrase/multiple words, reduce the subject down to its proper pronoun so that you can better match it with the verb.

• The amazingly bright Johnny = He
• Johnny and Tom=They
• The sisters and I=We

2. Circle the verb(s) that the subject 'acts on'

3. Ignore every other word in sentence to test for agreement of this pair! 

• Use a verb chart for a visual aid/reminder (all regular, or typical, verbs will follow the top chart

• Pay attention to sentences with multiple subjects 

• 'and'= plural
• 'nor' or "'or'=verb must agree with the subject closest it (200)
• Collective nouns (where a group of people is referred to as one unit) such as jury, committee, crowd, and class are to be singular forms unless the idea in the sentence shows the individuals acting separately (see 201-202)
• indefinite pronouns are treated as singular (200)
• Who, which and that=agree with the antecedent 
• A title of a work or company needs a singular verb!  (The Chicago Bears is my favorite team.)
• Treat gerund phrases (when -ing verbs are used at start) as singular
• ...and other special cases

Editing Your Essay

• Read your first two (the intro and first body) paragraphs backwards, and diagram each sentence for its subject (underline) and verb (circle) pairs.

• Make sure to then write the corrections above where you find a lack of agreement. Consult your textbook.

Coordination and Subordination (Review)

Techniques and Models To Inspire Our Own (216-17):

1.  Coordinate using a comma, followed by the right conjunction (FANBOYS) for the relationship.

• Example: I failed calculus because I could not understand math concepts that I studied hours each night, but Bourdain failed in his early attempts at being a chef because his drug addiction made him lazy and disinterested.  

•  [one text on each side of the , conjunction]

• Example: Both Bourdain and I reached a breaking point with our separate struggles, so we promised ourselves to seek help from our friends and family.   

•  [both texts connected as a plural subject, followed by the idea that parallels them on the other side of the , conjunction]

2. Coordinate using a semicolon, followed by a conjunctive adverb and comma.

• Example: I failed calculus because I could not understand math concepts that I studied hours each night; however, Bourdain failed in his early attempts at being a chef because his drug addiction made him lazy and disinterested.

• Example:  Both Bourdain and I reached a breaking point with our separate struggles; therefore, we promised ourselves to seek help from our friends and family.  

3. Subordinate using a subordinate conjunction (see 

• Example: Although I failed calculus because I could not understand math concepts that I studied hours each night, Bourdain failed in his early attempts at being a chef because his drug addiction made him lazy and disinterested.

• Example: I failed calculus because I could not understand math concepts that I studied hours each night, while Bourdain failed in his early attempts at being a chef because his drug addiction made him lazy and disinterested.

• Example: Because both Bourdain and I reached a breaking point with our separate struggles, we promised ourselves to seek help from our friends and family.  

4. Coordinate using only a semicolon if the two sentences being combined have phrases within that help build a relationship between the idea in each sentence.

• verbs match? Verbs from the same family? If so, this helps build continuity between two sentences.
• Or, include a modifying clause in one of the sentences that  gets "picked up" in the other sentences.

Editing: PRO AGR

PRO AGR=when the pronoun does not agree in number with the noun or pronoun, called the antecedent, it references earlier in the sentence or in a prior sentence.


1. Identify Pronouns and Their References

• Circle all pronouns

• On the computer, highlight them yellow

• Draw an arrow back to the word it is replacing

• On the computer, highlight the word they are replacing blue 

2. Identify Pronoun Type (List below is not complete)

Typical Cases

• Indefinite pronouns (each, nobody, everybody, something, nothing) are singular.

• Collective nouns are singular unless the action and result (verb and object) clearly shows plural.

• Compounds=plural

• The either/or | neither/nor rule= agree with the antecedent closest (the second one/the one after 'nor'/'or').

Very Important Catches

• Sentences that begin with pronouns, especially:

• This

• It

Powerful Analysis Sentence Strategies

Practice active, concise sentence construction.

• Don't think that one great sentence allows you to move on.
• An idea builds up into ultimate clarity over a span of clear, active, linked sentences.

• Using a verb that indicates your subject has connotations will force you to think deeply and work to write out those suggestions. 

Subject of sentence=subject of essay (author, text, character) or an example from the text that you are interpreting 

Verb=analysis verb 

O=your inference/interpretation/claim.

Text as subject of sentence:  "The Veil" illustrates _________.

• Look for linking verb constructions, and replace with one powerful analysis verb

• The meaning of the story is...STOP -->  The story illustrates...   or   The story thematically illustrates....

• Being forced to wear the veil is an example of ....-->  Being forced to wear the veil exemplifies...

Evidence as subject of sentence Marji's discussions with God represents _______.

• Notice: continued specific acts that you see happening in the plot because a summarized piece of evidence, to become the subject of an analysis claim.

• Note: it's good to make these larger summations first, as topic sentence claims, because you can then make the paragraph about individual specific examples of this repeated act.

Generating Notes: Chapter Summaries

Writing analysis starts with reading analytically, and actively. 

Stop trying to understand the whole picture from the start.
Stop believing the answer lies in one place.
Stop believing there is one answer, and one way to state that answer.

Explore a muddy idea. Explore it
slowly.
Explore different routes of thinking.

If you feel your mind is scattered, control the narrative
by deciding which things you want to pay most attention to,
based on your interests (characters, plot, images, etc).

Two people can arrive at similar meaning
by focusing on different elements.

The literary elements (plot, character, image, etc.) is your evidence.


Making Chapter Summaries in Notes:

• Your notes are informal, idea generation places. You need to actively generate ideas from:

• the language you are reading

• the plot points/ actions that are happening, including conclusions

• the visuals that are provided by the text

• any drawings, colors, etc.
• spatial orientation
• fonts and font sizes

• BE CURIOUS: every single word and image can provide you with meaning. You have to have a curious mindset and believe that what you are reading has a lot of connotations that you can get.
• You have to want to get information out of a subject.
• You have to understand that there is always the ability to get more out of a reading than "the one thing the teacher wants me to get" or "there is only one meaning in here from the author." 

• Isolate/Identify elements:  in your notes, write outlines for each chapter that include:

• Main characters and their characterizations
• Major plot points
• connect actions from page to page, chapter to chapter, start to finish
• Significant images

• Re-reading with intent/a focused purpose: "How to find those mains, majors, significants.............."

• With short texts, you can give yourself a purpose each time, and you can record your thoughts and evidence each read:

• 1st read: get basic comprehension down.
• 2nd read: focus on one element, such as plot, imagery, or language
• 3rd read: focus on a different element.

• Write using analysis verbs and analysis language:

• click to look at analysis verbs
• no more "is" language:  ______ is __________ when it coms to crafting larger ideas....

• __________ symbolizes/illustrates/represents/(analysis verbs)....

• At the end of reading each chapter:  if you have a prompt given by teacher, or the teacher has given you a focal point for discussions, keep thinking about that prompt/focal point--> Remind yourself by asking, as you read, "What is the purpose of reading this?"--the answer lies in the prompt

• Write down questions you have about the actions taken by characters
• Write down new knowledge the chapter has presented to you about the subject (culture, such as Iran).  
• Write down key images (they are "key" because the author mentions them repeatedly or they stick out in some other way to you as a close reader).

Editing: Run-Ons | | Crafting: Compound Sentences

Independent clause (IND)

• Complete thought
• A complete sentence
• All three syntactical slots that we talked about last week are filled:  

• subject | verb | object. 
• Marked on essays with shorthand:   S  | V | O.

• Example:  ...

What are Run-ons?

1. Comma Splices 
• Marked on essays as CS
• Combine two sentences with only a comma=error.
2. Run-ons
• Fused Sentences
• Marked on essays as RO
• To combine two sentences without end punctuation=error

• To fix, you need to use one of the five methods below either to make the two (or more) sentences coordinate with each other, or to make one be subordinate to the more important idea

• Each method includes at least a punctuation mark that indicates an end to a complete thought:

1. period  (  .   ) or exclamation point or question mark   ( ! or ? )
2. or semi-colon (   ;   )
3. or use the  comma and a conjunction rule (  , + FANBOYS)

• Which method depends on how you want the multiple sentences to coordinate or subordinate. In other words, each method shows a different relationship between the two sentences!  Let's look at the five methods to see what I mean...

Before Fixing, Identify Run-ons

• Mark each of your current end punctuations (period, ?, !) in your draft with a bar:  |  

• Next, read for the mind pause: mark a soft bar where your brain understands a complete thought/idea.

• Also, read out loud for the breath pause: mark a soft bar where you hear an idea sound finished, rhythmically.

The above methods are not enough, so you will have to:

• Diagram these sentences further for their syntactical slot: 

• Underline the subject  (even if it is modified)
• Circle the verb (even if conjugated out of simple tense)
• Put parentheses, ( ), around the object (including all modifiers).

• If the original thought ends earlier than your original end punctuation, and your sentence starts to grammatically start over with a new or repeated subject...

• Mark the end of that thought with a new bar  (  IND. | IND  IND. | ). 

• Then, diagram what comes after the new bar, as well, to make sure it is an IND. 

• You may want to mark the clauses as IND or DEP  above the sentences, too. 

Last Thoughts About Identifying

• You have a run-on if you have more than one IND within your original sentence and have no or incorrect punctuation.

• If you have many DEP clauses within these sentences, your job of finding the end of one IND and the start of a new IND will be harder, but more manageable with diagramming practice.

• If your sentence structures include questions or commands, then you have to be flexible with how you diagram the sentence. 

• Questions begin with:    ______
• Commands begin with:  ______  

Five Methods For Fixing Run-ons 

• Make Separate Sentences: An easy fix, find where the two sentences are fused or spliced and place period (or ? or !) between the two clauses. Capitalize the subject of the second sentence.

• Example comma splice: Why should we spend money on expensive space exploration, we have enough underfunded programs here on Earth.   

• Fix: Why should we spend money on expensive space exploration? We have enough underfunded programs here on Earth.   

• Use a comma and a coordinating conjunction: Another easy fix, find where the second sentence starts and add the comma with the right FANBOYS conjunction.  [Of course, if you have a comma splice, you just need to add the right conjunction after the comma.]

• Example comma splice: Some lesson plans include exercises, completing them should not be the focus of all class periods.

• Fix: Some lesson plans include exercises, but completing them should not be the focus of all class periods.

• Use a semi-colon to connect two complete thoughts: Also very easy, the function/purpose of a semi-colon is to join two independent clauses/complete sentences. 

• Example fused sentence: Tragedy depicts the individual confronted with the fact of death comedy depicts the adaptability of human society.

• Fix: Tragedy depicts the individual confronted with the fact of death; comedy depicts the adaptability of human society.

• Use a semi-colon, followed by a conjunctive adverb (a type of transitional word or phrase): More difficult to pull off, though really good to emphasize a relationship between two sentences that are being combined. 

• conjunctive adverb: conjunctive is like conjunction--it means to join, just like a highway junction is the connection of two different routes!

• They are words that imply further action, or a furthering of the idea, such as "thereafter" and "moreover" and "however"

• Example fused sentence:  We ran the race hard we ran to win.

• Fix:   We ran the race hard; moreover, we ran to win. 

• Turn one of the sentences into the subordinate to the other: The most difficult grammatically for one still getting the hang of sentence structure, but can be worth it for sake of showing a clearer relationship between two ideas.

• One of the independent clauses is turned into a dependent clause by adding a subordinating conjunction to the beginning of the original clause. 

• Example: We went out to a fancy restaurant for dinner; we were disappointed.  (How boring is this grammatically correct sentence!?!) 

• Fix: Subordinate one to the other: Although we went out to a fancy restaurant for dinner, we were disappointed. (Edits make this one sentence where one idea takes importance because of the subordinate conjunction.)

Scholarly Conclusion Writing

1. Take 30 minutes: Read the lecture notes below for Thursday, and take your notes on the points made. Click on the link to the U of Iowa Writing Center, too.

2. Take Another 30 minutes:  Note down 2-3 of the suggestions below and write down possible ways you could use those bullet point suggestions to help you. Brainstorm the end of essay--what are some possibilities?

• I will open my class by asking you about how you are thinking of applying these ideas to your own essay. The success (your understanding and application, and the class time together on Thursday) only comes from your willingness to participate.  

3. Feel free to draft your conclusion draft and have it ready to show or upload, but it will not be due to myLearning before class on Thursday, as originally scheduled. However, the more you have done, the more Professor A. can guide you in your own process with this essay.

-----------------

Expanding What A Conclusion Can Be

The last paragraph (or sometimes paragraphs, when writing much longer essays) should reflect upon the thesis statement and its subtopics that you have addressed in your essay. 

However, there are other ways to view your conclusions, and viewing a conclusion in these different ways will help guide you in what else you can say beyond being repetitive. 

Another way of looking at just conclusions and the above general conclusion definition, according to the University of Iowa's Writing Center:

 "The conclusion is a good place to not only sum up the points made in the paper but to suggest the further implications of your argument.  You do not want to simply reiterate the points you have made in your introduction, thesis, or body paragraphs.  

Instead, use the analyses that you have already presented to ask questions, or suggest the possible next logical step in the argument.  You can use the conclusion to draw connections between your chosen text and its genre and historical or cultural contexts.  

You want to make sure that the claims you make in the conclusion are not too far-fetched or wildly out of step with the rest of your paper.  The conclusion should be the final step in the progression of your argument."

You likely will not address each question below each time, but here are some general ideas you may explore in your conclusion rather than simply "restating the thesis." (As a writer, you may find some of these thoughtful actions are useful for other parts of your essay...):

• What is important to the general audience/larger world about what you have argued/analyzed/defined. etc.? What knowledge do you provide us, and why is that important? 

• What is the impact of this knowledge I provide ? Who is affected, how? 

• Where does my idea fit in the larger discussion of the subject addressed in the essay? 

• Quickly state comparison or contrast with socially common views, stereotypes, and/or subjects.

• What recommendations can I make, and why, based on my thesis and other points made in the essay? Or, what recs do I have based on the source author's ideas?

• What is another major point or two about the subject that I did not have 'time' to include in this essay? 

• Pose questions that you haven't addressed that are relevant to what you have already written. 

• Pose questions that further help reader understand the subject's context.

• Suggest next possible step in the author's argument.

• Suggest different types of evidence that were not used in author's argument.

• In third person, briefly provide your own thoughts on any examples used from your source author that matter to you. 

• Example: Tamir Rice...

• Have you read other articles, books, etc., on the subject? Draw connections between your essay subject text and well-known texts in the genre or same time period or cultural perspective. 

Unified Body Paragraph (PRE): also in myLearning, Unit 1

http://home.europa.com/~bence/pre/

The above picture is Steve Prefontaine, a world-class runner who died too young. His nickname is Pre. Look at how focused his eyes are in this picture and remember those eyes when you remember our focusing technique, PRE.

http://www.justrunners.com/Steve%20Prefontaine%20Poster.htm

http://en.nkfu.com/steve-prefontaine-quotes/

PRE teaches us that to be the best one must put their best effort into all that they do. PRE can also teach us, again, how to write a unified body paragraph. 

Point: start each paragraph off with a sentence (we call it that Topic Sentence) that states who/what the paragraph is about--your subject--and what you have to say about that subject in that paragraph.

Reason: follow up your Topic Sentence with some logical reasons for why you believe your point is true.

Example/Explanation: follow up your reasons with specific examples that support your point and reasons. You can also add a second E to Example, and that would be Explain! Make sure that when you illustrate your example that you also make sure to explain how it connects back to your Topic Sentence.

Creating Body Paragraph Points From Reading and Analyzing:
Read: "In the Beginning."
A student was inspired by this reading to write an essay on "Improving Myself With Pre's Help." Notice how the student: 1) created topic sentence argument claims based on their interpretation of the text, and 2) supported their understanding of the text by using practical reasons, examples, and explanations. 
The student wrote PRE-structured body paragraphs that incorporate some example facts from the article and the quotes above. These body paragraphs make basic summary points about "how Prefontaine learned to be successful, according to the article." (We will discuss the different structure of Introductions and Conclusions over the coming semesters.)

Example Unified Body Paragraphs:

       Steve Prefontaine, who held many American records in distance running, is a great example of how much effort plays a role in having success in life--even during high school years. Prefontaine started off as one of the weaker runners on his high school team before setting goals to become a national record holder by his senior year.  In the article "In the Beginning," Michael Musca discusses how Prefontaine could not break five minutes in the mile his freshman year of high school, and as a sophomore failed to qualify for state. However, by his junior year in 1968, he went undefeated and won the Oregon state cross country meet in. Musca writes that "From this point forward, the winter of 1968, young Pre embarked on McClure’s 30-week program, which he hoped would yield the time goals and a state championship in the two-mile" (Musca). Prefontaine would run four to eight miles a day while working multiple jobs. His setting goals and following them is what lead to his success during those years.

       Those high school years are a small example of showing how setting goals matters; Prefontaine also had the work ethic and mindset to accomplish his goals. Steve Prefontaine is widely known as the ultimate competitor. He fulfilled his goals by training extremely hard and by maintaining an aggressive mindset that he would maintain for the rest of his life. There is no better evidence than Pre's own words: "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift" (Just Runners). These are the words of a competitor, someone who does not settle for finishing a task. Another quote of Prefontaine is "I'm going to work so that it's a pure guts race at the end, and if it is, then I am the only one who can win it" (NKFU). He confidently believes that nobody can beat him if he works as hard as he can.

        Prefontaine's successes came from also following a clear plan of actions to take to accomplish his goals. Pre's high school coach, Walt McClure, helped lay out a training program so that Prefontaine could set the records and live up to his goals. McClure set Pre up on a 30-week training regiment in the winter of 1968 that helped Pre win state in the two-miler that Spring. Prefontaine continued to run at least four miles a day during that following summer, even as he worked multiple jobs to help his struggling family (Musca). Prefontaine won the two miler his senior year in a national record of 8:41.5 (Musca), which shows how much one can improve in something if they are really dedicated to their own success. 

       Prefontaine was never known as a fast runner, but his effort on those days off helped propel him towards national success at an early age.  ...

Some Revision Fun: a review of writing ideas

(http://www.baconsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/ric-flair-woo.jpg)


Keep It Simple, Silly

• Why is it important to come back to the thesis and topic sentences? 

• Easy: your essay is nothing without clear points. Even on your trillionth draft, make sure each paragraph makes a clear point, and that your essay goes paragraph to paragraph in the most engaging way possible. 

• Second easy: placement. The thesis ends the introduction paragraph. The topic sentences start the body paragraphs. Their placement in the paragraph puts emphasis on them. Like the moment you meet someone for the first time, or the last time you hear from them--these moments are memorable. 

• What should I do to revise the sentences? Where do I look for help?

• Purpose of essay
• Content
• Theme
• Definition as an organization pattern  
• Accuracy/precision  | denotes/connotes
• Individuality--

• Try to stand out (in the best way)

• Try some figures of speech, try some interesting examples, try to make some creative choices in your language in a draft. How you write it is just as important as what you write. 

1. Look for phrases that can be replaced with few words, even just one word

2. Look for places to add some descriptive modifiers (adjectives, adverbs)

3. Look for places to add dependent clauses that further define your subject or object...or both

4. Look for places to use a figure of speech that fits the essay's theme (oh, yeah, and try to look at your language like its a movie with themes)

Basic Formula for An Essay Introduction Paragraph

General Essay Introduction Structure: 

1. Hook: opening sentence(s) of essay that sets up your topic==>something thematically connected 

2. Put the hook in context for thesis subject matter: transition from topic to specific subject matter

• Provides bridge of needed background information on thesis subject(s)

• Name  subject matter and other basic qualities of them relevant to essay

• Contextualize the subject matter based on essay prompt's purpose & your own essay theme of ideas

• use synonymous language from prompt 

3. If you don't use the context to lay out subtopics, then explicitly lay out the body paragraph ideas of essay in a succinct way 

• The most effective writing can combine #2's behaviors with #3
• Rather than thinking you need to fully state all of your ideas in full sentences, try to make a 1-2 sentence outline of subtopics. How?  Key words.

4. Finish off with the thesis statement.  

• Your thesis is another place where some of you like to include the subtopics within them. If so, okay. 

• Remember: the key is to know that when you write the subtopics into the thesis itself, it iss a rhetorical strategy, an option, and not as a "requirement."

\            Hook          /  

   \      Context       /    

     \   Subtopics   /      

       |   Thesis     |   

                 __________ Start Body Paragraphs 

     /     Point 1     \ 

   /      Reasoning     \   

/        Example          \

The Hook

General Hooks 

 The purpose of a hook is to draw your reader in to what you have to say. You don't want the hook to sound too broad and anonymous. You want to one of the general hooks below in a creative, but thesis-connected way: 

1. Relevant quote

• From the subject of your essay, such as
• from one of your sources!, or 
• from an expert on the subject matter
• from a discipline/field of study that helps you frame ideas in essay,
• or.... 

2. Personal anecdote with relevance to thesis

• Perhaps, you can use one you can come back to? One that relates to the subject matter--even the event

3. Provocative and relevant question

• A question that challenges ethics or morals
• A question that challenges legality
• A question that challenges cultural value 
• A question that challenges a cultural trend
• A question that challenges...  

4. Specific Example that fit your subject (perhaps one you will actually bring back and expand on later in your body)

• Perhaps a fact (#5) about the subject. What happened at the shooting, or in the poem you are analyzing? 
• An example of something else "gone viral."

5. Relevant fact: particularly one that sets the tone and allows you to explore the fact specifically as it relates to your thesis.

• Data -- a case study, or demographic study 
  
• Laws or Theories from a social science (sociology, psychology, anthropology)
• Relatable events in history (kairos) and their outcomes
• .... 

Drafting an Introduction

1. Have your thesis and subtopics at least drafted and outlined; these ideas are your map directions!

2. Decide which type of hook most interests you. Do some brainstorming that helps you (including, looking on the Internet for a relevant quote or fact to help you out)

3. Once you have the type of hook you want and have some content to work with, start drafting your introduction paragraph (

• Aim for around 6-8 solid sentences, or 1/3 of first page for 450 word essays

Once I find my hook, I can draft my introduction

• When using a quote or a fact, it is good to start your hook off with a phrase that introduces where that quote/fact is coming from:

• ________ once said (argued, asked, ...),  "..."

• According to ________, ...

• Or...try out your own introductory phrase that gives context to the quote/hook!

Classification Strategies

Four Basics of Good (Effective) Classification (108)

1. Makes sense of a group of people/things by making categories
2. Has a purpose for categorizing
3. Uses a single o________  p_________.
4. Gives ....



 Brainstorm categories/classes for a word's usage

• Look at you word, your thesis, and the list of action verbs on the Crafting Thesis Statements handout

• If a noun, especially, what verbs would you associate with your word? 

• How does place change the meaning? 
• When are different times this word is useful?
• What types of people use this word, for what purpose?

Generate Subtopics

Thesis subtopics do the following:

• Develop the thesis 
• Show up in introduction 
• Each subtopic is reproduced as a topic sentence of a body paragraph

To generate starter subtopics, use same pre-writing strategies:

• First, brainstorm a list or a cluster/web of parts of your largest definition.

• Then, narrow down to the 2-3 most important ideas you find should be addressed in order for outsiders to understand your thesis idea. 

• Because your first essay thesis is a definition,  view your subtopics as smaller parts of that largest definition. 
• Also, it helps that your 2-3 subtopics are closely related to each other in language. 

• Like a dictionary definition, try to "mix and match" your subtopics using different ways of defining. 
• However, it will also help if your 2-3 subtopics are closely related to each other in theme. 

Let's see how Anthony Bourdain could have done this if he were given our Essay 1 prompt:

Anthony Bourdain's thesis statement:

Food has always been a teacher in my life, showing me how to overcome faults like my sarcastic personality.

Listing things [food has taught me that help me overcome my sarcasm]...

1. Taught me to appreciate my parents and lifestyle
2. Taught me that strange doesn't mean bad
3. Taught me that pain is part of life
4. Taught me that being humble is important
5. Taught me that it takes effort/action to be a success
6. Cooking is not simple, even when it appears so.
7. ...

Subtopic Choices...made into body paragraph topic sentences:

1. The first lesson food taught me was to realize how privileged my life was growing up, with parents who saw food as more than just fuel.  
2. When I was around twenty, another way cooking educated me was...(finish it using the list!)

General Thesis Writing Strategies

Thesis Statement

The sentence that states the main point you are making for the entire essay. All points made in essay are meant to support this statement (sometimes posed as a question).


The Rhetorical Parts:

• Make sure you imagine your audience
• Make sure you provide the type of source
• Use a nice introductory clause to provide contextual detail
• Make sure your thesis language frames your piece's purpose.    
• Also, make sure your language frames the subject (author/text) of your piece's purpose.  

• ***In essence, your thesis should give your reading audience a sense of what kind of commentary your own writing is making on the original text's purpose

The Language Parts:

• subject (a noun or noun phrase (click link) that acts) + verb (how we act upon subject) + object (the idea, a noun or noun phrase, that receives the action)

• Use specific language over abstract/too general words, whenever possible.

• Avoid all-incusive language (everyone, no one, is, all, ...)

• Avoid using standalone pronouns (It, this, these, ...) as subject

• Use an analysis verb (click link) to indicate to your reader how dynamic you are looking at your subject. 

• The more action on the subject, the more you transform our view of it. The more you can pose questions about subject with that verb.

• Example: The myth is...  (NO!).   ...  The myth illustrates... (Yes, please)
  

• Be specific about what your body paragraphs discuss. Do not tease the reader with an unclear object!!! 

• ***One of the most ineffective thesis statements is the type that only suggests ideas but does not actually identify what ideas will be developed in the body paragraphs.

• Don't use general/broad phrases; specify.